I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
