Little spoons don't ask big questions
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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