there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
