I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
