good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you would pick up someone in the library
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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