I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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