Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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