I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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