Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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