covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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