your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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