i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
