I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
