I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
