I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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