He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Found your dick twin last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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