id be glad to
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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