I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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