You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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