Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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