then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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