He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
