I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
