I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
