why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
