I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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