if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
