I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
