I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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