one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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