Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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