I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
