Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Text me some of your sweat
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
