that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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