I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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