Im at strip club and am horny
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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