Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
