shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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