the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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