I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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