The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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