I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
