This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
