Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
