I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize