Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
