at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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