He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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