Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
