420 ftw
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
