At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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