I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
