I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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