Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
