my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
