Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
