I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
