her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
this is an emotional support booty call
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
