what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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