break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
