3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Boobs speak an international language.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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