He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
