I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
