So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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