Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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