And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
