it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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