I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
