Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We're too hungover to prance.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
