Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
